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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, theman speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, thewoman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
When a man opens the door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.
Getting married is very much like going ot a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't yo wearing your wedding ring o th wwrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
A little boy asked hw father, "Daddy, how mucch does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish...
A man rushed home from work and exclaimed tohis wife, "Pack your bags I've won the lottery!" The wife excietdly asks "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?" He says, "I don't care, just pack'em all, you're leaving!"
This guy goes to a party without his wife. He hears this other guy say to his wife, "Pass the sugar, Honey." and "Pass the honey, Sugar." He thinks this sort of speech is a good idea. So the morning when he and is wife are eating breakfast, he says to his wife, "Pass the bacon, Pig."
How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So oxygen can get to their brains.
Why are women so bad at mathematics?
Because men keep telling them that this <------------------> is 12 inches.
What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? Slow.
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Why are men like popcorn?
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Why are men and spray paint alike?
One squeeze and they're all over you.
Why are men like blenders?
You need one but you're not quite sure why.
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