Catholic Dictionary
  
AMEN: 
The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
  
BULLETIN: 
1. Parish information, read only during the homily. 
2. Catholic air conditioning. 
3. Your receipt for attending Mass.
  
  
CHOIR: 
A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the
congregation to lip-sync.
  
HOLY WATER: 
A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
  
HYMN: 
A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher
than that of the congregation's range.
  
RECESSIONAL HYMN: 
The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most 
of the people have already left.
  
INCENSE: 
Holy Smoke!
  
JESUITS: 
An order of priests known for their ability to found
colleges with good basketball teams.
  
JONAH: 
The original "Jaws" story.
  

JUSTICE: 
When kids have kids of their own.
 

KYRIE ELEISON: 
The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognise
besides gyros and baklava.
  
MAGI: 
The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
 
MANGER: 
1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't
covered by an HMO. 
2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has
always been rough.
 
PEW: 
A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.
 
PROCESSION: 
The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass,consisting
of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for
seats.
 
RECESSIONAL: 
The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass -
led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
  
RELICS: 
People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually
know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
  
TEN COMMANDMENTS:
The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
  
USHERS: 
The only people in the parish who don't know the seating
capacity of a pew.