Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter.  Warning: Remove
lint from navel before applying the match.

Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his
favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.

A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A
hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between
your toes.

The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges.
Steer clear of those named for landfills.

While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss
Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded.  Its single blade
functions as a tiny canoe paddle.

Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to
stay dry in a downpour.  Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch,
however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the
wilderness experience.

You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the
north side of your compass.

You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing
into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.

The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat, should
never be confused with a gnu paddle, a similar device used by
Tibetan veterinarians.

When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt.  It gives you
something to wipe your nose on.

Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping.  Shine
a flashlight into one ear.  If the beam shines out the other ear, do
not go into the woods alone.

A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side
dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent
hockey puck.

In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by
shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband
of your underwear.

The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes
excellent kindling.

The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations.  The
sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.

It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding
mountain road behind a large motor home.

Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly
country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.

When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table
will keep the campsites on either side vacant.

In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to
strangle a snoring tent mate.