We understand how busy college students can be this time of year.
We hope this form letter will help you keep in touch with your
parents. Simply check or fill-in appropriate blanks.

                          NEWS FROM COLLEGE


 Dear Parent(s),                                 Date:  ______________

 I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics
 of interest to both of us.

 Please send:

   __   Money (Cash)!     Amount:   _________________________
   __   Food (Cookies)!   Dozens:   ___________
   __   Clean clothes!

 Relationships:

   __   What?
   __   I am in love with myself
   __   I am in love!
   __   I am engaged
   __   I got married last weekend

 My Roommate:

   __   Worships the ground I walk on
   __   Gave me a black eye
   __   Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason
   __   Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed???
   __   Has fleas

 My Professors are:

   __   Sadistic water walkers
   __   Mental institution escapees
   __   Brain dead nerds
   __   Super oxygen thieves

 Latest News:

   __   I wrecked the car
   __   I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the
        credit limit
   __   You are going to have a grandchild
   __   False alarm - you are NOT going to have a grandchild

 Food:

   __   Is great!
   __   Even makes me appreciate your cooking
   __   I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals

 Health:

   __   I have gained _____ pounds
   __   My roommate is in the hospital with meningitis
   __   My HIV test was: (check one)  ____ positive   ____ negative
   __   I died yesterday!

 Grades:

   __   I am making all A's
   __   I am not being properly challenged
   __   I will be home after this semester

 I study:

   __   Night and day
   __   All the time
   __   80 hours a week
   __   Only on Sunday afternoon
   __   None of the above

 Daily Devotions:

   __   I read my Bible everyday
   __   I can't read
   __   Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars

 On my last visit home, I left:

   __   My glasses
   __   My paper that was due yesterday
   __   The clothes you washed for me
   __   My (girlfriend's) birth control pills
   __   The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment
   __   Other _____________________________________________

      Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One)
      or UPS (Blue)

 Laundry:

   __   My white underwear is now _________________
   __   I am saving money by not using detergent
   __   Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester
   __   I hang my clothes out the window when it rains

 My room:

   __   Can pass your "white glove" test
   __   Is only _____% full
   __   Could not be located last Saturday night
   __   Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training

 Parties:

   __   I don't inhale
   __   I only go to meet people
   __   Haven't been to one since this morning

 Hope you:

   __   Miss me
   __   Can live without me
   __   Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence

 Salutation:

   __   Your Daughter,
   __   Your Son,
   __   Yours,



      __________________________________________________
      Signature (Scribble if Pre-Med or Pre-Law)
      Note:  Witnesses are not required for your mark ("X")