Quickies

Jury: 12 people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

Q: You hear about the guy who put his condom on inside-out? A: He went.

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

Bacon & eggs - Hens are involved but pigs are committed.

Motto of The Procrastinator's Club - We're behind you all the way.

How do you tell if an elephant has been having sex in your backyard? All your trashcan liners are missing!

What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don't call him anything, he can't come to you anyway!

Q. If you are american in the kitchen, and japanese in the bedroom, what are you in the bathroom?
A. European!

What kind of meat do priests eat on Friday? Nun!