"Conduct During the Holiday Season"

Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder
at Kinko's to make tinsel is discouraged.

Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor's push-button
phone during a party is forbidden (It runs up an
incredible long distance bill.)

Chores and charitable requests are not to be
filed under "Bah, Humbug."

Rental cars are not to be used to go "over the
river and through the woods to Grandma's house."

Endlessly singing "Frosty, the Snowman"
under your breath at the mall will result in
"no presents" this year.

All fruitcake is to be eaten before July 25, 2001.

Laced Eggnog will not be secreted in Pepsi cans.

Letting Grampa play "Santa" in long underwear
dyed red is discouraged. Several children are
still in therapy as a result of last year's "incident"
when Flopsy, Mopsy and Peter Cottontail made
an unexpected "appearance."