We take English for granted.  But if we explore its paradoxes, we
find         that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea
     pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

     And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers
     don't groce, and hammers don't ham?  If the plural of tooth is
teeth, why      isn't the plural of booth beeth?  One goose, 2 geese.
So, one moose, 2        meese?  One index, two indices?  Is cheese the
plural of
     choose?

     If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?  If a vegetarian
     eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

     In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

     Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?  Have noses that run and
feet
     that smell?  Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

     How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise
man
     and a wise guy are opposites?  How can the weather be hot as hell
one
     day and cold as hell another?

     When a house burns up, it burns down.  You fill in a form by
filling
     it out,  and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

     When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
out,
     they are invisible.  And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it,
     but when I wind up this essay, I end it