Hot off the press! The 2000-2001 Darwin Awards Are Here!!
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The latest Darwin Awards update....
The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who
contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating
themselves from the
gene pool before they have a chance to breed.
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1. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline
with milk.
Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he
vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
2. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of
suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2" tall
and weighed
225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white
saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying
to create a
schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas
mask that had
the filter canister removed and a rubber hose
attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to
a one end
of a hollow wooden tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's
other end was inserted into his rear end for reasons unknown, and was the
cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the
circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
3. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low
altitude when
another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon
the occupants
of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and
crashed. They
were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
4. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details
before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was not
breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the couch,
naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start
CPR, she
noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and
removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the
police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that
the man had
made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they
discovered what caused his death. Apparently the man had a habit
of putting
his penis between the cushions, down into the hole and between two
electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons).
According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one of
the sanders, electrocuting him.
5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near
Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and
killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have
qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the
driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key
ring, which had
started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an
attempt to press
the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own.
6. A 22-year-old Reston, VA man was found dead after he tried to
use octopus
straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
County police
said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps
together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the
trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren
Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone
because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had
assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and
the ground",
Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was
"Major trauma".
7. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
friend - no doubt, a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalised.
8. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed
the smell of
a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all
potential sources of ignition lights, power, etc. After the building had
been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were
dispatched. Upon
entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked (you can see what's
coming, can't you?). Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object, that
resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it
up to three
miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was
virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing
the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.