Driver Intoxication ....
Died On Dashboard Impact.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and a Porche? Diana wouldn't be seen dead in a Porche! or
.... a BMW. , .... a Lada.
.... etc. ' What did St Peter say to Di at the Pearly Gates? Wipe that greasy "merc" off your face. What did Di wear for her funeral?
A dark blue bonnet. What did Prince Charles say when he heard about the automobile accident?
Well, that's the way the Mercedes BENZ. What does a bee have in common with a Mercedes? They both make Royal Jelly. What's the difference between a Mercedes 600 and a can of spam? They give you a key to get the meat out a can of spam. Why is a Mercedes like a squid?
They've both got Di in them when they're opened. What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40. Did you hear that Princess Diana was suffering from PMS? Pulverized Mercedes Syndrome. Why didnt the airbag on the Merc function properly? It was strapped into a safety belt in the back seat. Did you hear that the French Doctors could have saved Diana but they didn't have the parts for a 1961 Princess. Why is my Uncle Ted like Dodi's chauffeur? Because he also used to drive a Princess before he smashed it up. What did Princess Diana do when she heard the driver had been drinking?
She hit the roof. What's the difference between Diana and Tiger Woods? Tiger Woods has a better driver. Why don't you want to buy golf clubs at Harrods? Their drivers suck. Too bad O.J. wasn't driving! I hear the Ritz is looking for a new driver. They want one with tunnel vision. , What's the difference between the NFL and Princess Diana? The NFL players came out of the tunnel Sunday. What was the last thing Diana & Dodi had to drink? 4 Harvey Wallbangers, 2 Slammers, followed by 6 chasers. What's the difference between Lady Di and the Eastern -Germans?
The Eastern Germans survived the wall. What do Lady Di and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last greatest hit was the WALL. What does Princess Di turn into at midnight? The wall. Did you see the wall Di drove into?
Neither did she. What does Di rest her head on?
A pillar. What's the one thing that attracts Diana more than a wealthy Egyptian?
A solidly-built Pole. What did Princess Diana die of?
Car-pole-tunnel syndrome. Diana was found to be the favourite royal in a recent pole. What have Di & Ian Wright (English Footballer) got in common? How did Di and Charles disagree about Modern Architecture? Di was wrapt about pre-stressed cement. What did the Queen say when she heard Princess Diana died in a car smash?
Was Fergie with her? What did Prince Charles say when he heard the news? "Shall I garage your motorbike, Mum?" What did Prince Charles say when he heard about Di's accident?
"Smashing!" What's the difference between Dodi and Di and Charles and Camilla?
Dodi and Di are just a crush. Why was Lady Di's death a tragedy?
Because the rest of the Royal Family wasn't in the back of the car with her. Prince Charles was out early the other day walking the dog. When a passer-by said "Morning", Charles said "No, just walking the dog." What's Di getting for Christmas?
The Queen Mother. How can you tell which one was Charles at the funeral? He was the one talking to the flowers. What's the Queen giving Fergie for Christmas? A Mercedes and a trip to Paris. When Prince Charles was told of Diana's death he was all ears. What's the difference between the London Ritz and the Paris Ritz?
You get mints after dinner at the London Ritz and minced after dinner at the Paris Ritz. Why was Princess Diana so thin?
Crash diet. Did you hear that Dodi wanted to go night-clubbing but Diana just wanted to crash. What did Dodi say to Di before they left the Ritz.? "Do you want to sleep here or crash in the car?" What was Diana wearing the night of her crash? Crushed velvet. What was the last thing Princess Di saw before she died? The Steering Wheel.
or
.... the dashboard.
... the windscreen.
... the engine block.
... etc. Apparently it wasn't the chauffers fault, ~i had also been drinking, reports show she had 2 pints of Carling in her. Diana's funeral song: "Looking for love in all the wrong places". '" What sound did the ambulance make?
Dodi dodi dodi dodi dodi dodi... Did Dodi do Di before Di and Dodi died? What does Dodi and Dodo have in common? They are both extinct. Dodi's Tomb was to be fitted with central heating until they realised that he already had a radiator on his chest. Di was on drugs... Speed, then smack. What did Princess Di say to Dodi after he gave her the Ring? Aren't we moving a bit to fast! Why was the bodyguard so red-faced after the accident? He had Di all over him. Did you know that when they pulled Dodi out of the car his penis was a funny colour. They say it had been dipped in Di. Mercedes have recalled DODI's car for paint problems. The inside was splattered with Di. Where were Dodi and Di heading the night of the accident? To paint the town red. How d'ya paint a merc red? Di it. Did you hear about the 'Diana, Princess of Wales' screensaver?
It kept crashing. Was that blue blood on the pavement?
No, it was only Di. What's Diana's newest title?
The Lady in Red. "Die Di, die." The way I understand it... someone yelled *'Lady Di" and the driver thought it was an order. , What did Dodi say to his chaffeur?
"Do you want to come to Paris with me and Di?" Did you hear they are going to make a movie about her? It's going to be called "Di hard".
or
... "Live and Let Di"..
... "One Wedding and a Funeral".
And it's to be shown in drive-in theatres only. Why did Elton John sing at the funeral? Because he's the only queen who cares. What do Diana and Versace have in common? They both get screwed by queens and die. Why did Lady Di go and die?
She wanted to be the first to try on the Versace Summer 98 Collection. Elton John wasn't the only one who composed a song for Di... Roxette - Crash! Boom! Bang! Michael Jackson - Blood on the dashboard. What was the last thing Di said to Dodi? 'These paparazzi are driving me up the wall' What was the last thing Diana said to the paparazzi? No more pictures, I'm a bloody Princess! What's the difference between Mother Theresa and Diana? 5
days.
By the way, Elton John is now set to make a tribute record
for Mother Teresa: ,Sandals in the bin'
Tonight we could all memorialise the sainted Mother Teresa
and the beloved princess Diana by eating curry and then
sticking our fingers down our throats-
yesterday a ferryboat leaving Haiti capsized and drowned 300
people. But a tragedy was avoided when they discovered that
none of them on board was a princess-"
Diana"s name has been changed to "-
The Royalty formally known as princess Di. ,
Where did Diana go for her holidays?
All over Paris.
What does princess Diana have in common with Hugh Grant?
They both bought it in the backseat of a car.
Did the British Secret Service kill Princess Diana?
No, the French underground did it.
What do Ferrero Rocher and princess Di have in common?
They both come out of France in a box.
What have Lady Di and a bottle of Frence wine got in common?
The both came from France in a wooden box.
Why did the Poms want to cremate Di?
That way they finally get to keep the ashes!
What does Diana's bumper sticker say?
My other car's a decoy.
What do you give to a princess who has everything?
A safetybelt and an airbag-
What's the similarity between Princess Di and a landmine?
They're both easy to lay but difficult to clear up.
Once again princess Diana proves a big hit in Paris.
If Diana's heart was in the right place... why was it found
in the glove box?
Have you heard that Princess Diana was on the radio? And the dashboard, and the windscreen, and... What did the French mortuary attendant say when he got the body bags?
Zip-a-de Dodi, Zip-a-de Di Knock knock.
Who's there?
Di
Di who?
See, easily forgotten. Apparently the chauffeur wasn't the only legless person in the car. What's the similarity between Neighbours & Prince Charles? Neighbours have Mrs Mangle, Charles has a mangled Mrs. What is Dodi's new pet name for Di? Squidgy. Do you know what was playing on the stereo when the car crashed?
Going Underground. Bearing in mind the driver was pissed out of his head, Diana's family should forget trying to sue the paparazzi, they haven't got a leg to stand on. Why are French tramps like Princess Diana? Because you'll find them smashed against the wall of a Paris underpass on Saturday nights. Everyone thought Diana was a bit mad. Well she was nearly "in the Seine". What's the difference between George Best and Dodi's chauffeur?
George Best can still take corners when he's pissed. What do Lady Di and the Beat!es have in common? They both made quite an impact over in Europe. Why did Di go to Paris?
To get smashed! What was the last thing she kissed?
The radiator! Did you hear that Di has something in common with George Burns? They both died when they hit a hundred. What was her favourite band in the 80's? TWISTED SISTER. What were Di and Dodi's favourite group? CRASH TEST DLIPIMIES. What was Diana's last dessert dish? a Turnover. What happens when you french kiss a fairy tale Princess? The frog turns into a wall and croaks. Where was Di last seen? On the radio. What is the difference between Prince Charles and Mark Taylor? Mark Taylor came home with the ashes. What would Diana be doing if she were alive today? Trying to claw her way out of her coffin. One English language newspaper ran the headline: PRINCESS DIed. ~ , And, in the You Knew It had to Happen Dept: A Volvo' dealer in Macau lost his franchise after running an ad with a picture of Prince Diana and the tagline, "She'd still be alive if she was in a Volvo." it's just another example of Franco/German anti-British collaboration that has been going on since 1914... Surely it's no coincidence that the world's best-loved English woman was killed by a drunken Frenchman driving a German tank. What has 500 legs and 62 teeth? The front row at Princess Diana's funeral.
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