Dog's Reminder to Self:
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1.   The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2.   I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under
     the coffee table.
3.   I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or
     under the bed.
4.   I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
5.   I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they
     throw it up.
6.   I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean
     carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
7.   I will not throw up in the car.
8.   I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because
     I like the way they smell.
9.   "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.
10.  I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them
     in the backyard after processing.
11.  The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
12.  I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
13.  I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones,
     or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
14.  When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled
     down when it's raining outside.
15.  We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one
     on TV.
16.  I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the
     backyard with them.
17.  The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom & dad's laps.
18.  My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
19.  I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's
     driver's license and car registration.
20.  I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on
     the toilet.
21.  I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom
     garbage and walk around with a string hanging out of my butt.
22.  I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after
     just getting a  bath.
23.  Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way
     of saying hello.
24.  I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought it
     was the right thing to do.
25.  I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping on the pillow
     next to their head.
26.  I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt
     across the carpet.
27.  The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just
     because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
28.  I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my
     crotch when company is over.
29.  Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear
     a room.
30.  The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he
     makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.