LICENSE TO STEAL
================

Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by

running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.

Instead, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked, fled &

left the chain still attached to the machine & their bumper (license

plate still attached).

 

IN THE BAG
===========

A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, made idle chatter at the

customs counter. The customs official thought it odd that the golfer

didn't know what a handicap was & asked the tourist to demonstrate

his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was

found in the golf bag.

 

MADE FOR TV
============

Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights

for Western movies, got a call from a woman who wanted to have her

husband shot. She was sentenced to four years.

 

DO YOU ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS?
============================

A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in

damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. He provided the

court a forged check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more

years.

 

YOU MEAN ME?
==============

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving

revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" His partner moved &

the startled first bandit shot him.

 

DEADHEADS
==========

A man in Orange County was ticketed for driving alone in the car pool

lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in his mortuary van

should be counted. The judge ruled that passengers must be alive to

qualify.