A sports commentater is reporting on the Olympics when he spies an
athlete he hasn't seen before. He goes over to him and asks "Are you a
pole vaulter?"
The athlete replies: "No, I'm German - but how did you know my name?"
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If men are so competent, how come you always see signs that say, "DANGER -
MEN WORKING"?
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One of the Nations largest Soup Manufacturers announced today that they will
be stocking America's shelves this week with their newest Soup creation,
"Clinton Soup", that will honor one the nation's most distinguished men.
The Clinton Soup: consists of a small weenie in hot water.
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The NFL announced today in a press conference that one team from the league
needed to be eliminated. What officials have decided to do is combine the
Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team therefore
saving jobs. They will be known as the TAMPACKS.....They're only good for one
period and have no second string.
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I had a publisher phone this morning saying he wanted a photograph of
me for inclusion with my latest article. Trouble was his deadline.
I tried sending it by Federal Express, because I didn't trust an
electronic transmission to have good quality. But I got delayed
and missed the F.E. truck. I guess I'll just have to face fax.
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A college freshman fell asleep in his 8:00 English class.
The professor, not too pleased, threw a book at him.
"What was that" asked the startled student.
"That", replied the professor, "was a flying Chaucer."
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Farmer Jones had heard that the best milk comes from contented cows.
Therefore, he'd visit them every morning and tell them jokes. The
cows laughed and laughed and gave excellent milk. But the news
got around about the cows. They became known as the
laughing stock of the community.
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A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were
on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be
quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping!"
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During a performance for the high school drama class at the local
theatre, a hole was cracked in the stage floor. Subsequent acts
managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling
bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee.
He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler
in the back of the theatre shouted:
"Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a stage you're going through!"
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The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice
willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The
blacksmith immediately began his instructions to
the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll
lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you
hit it with this hammer." The apprentice did just
as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.
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The number one slogan being considered by Viagra:
This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs. Any questions?
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What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck?
The good ol' boy raises livestock.
The redneck gets emotionally involved.
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