These are taken from real resumes and cover
letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:

1. I demand a salary commiserate with my
  extensive experience.

2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor
and spreadsheet progroms.

3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the
Year.

4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.

5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed
financial institutions.

6. Its best for employers that I not work
with people.

7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over
my experience.

8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in
no time.

9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever
forget details.

10. I was working for my mom until she
decided to move.

11. Failed bar exam with relatively high
grades.

12. Marital status: single. Unmarried.
Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.

13. I have an excellent track record, although
I am not a horse.

14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs...
Please feel free to respond to my resume
on my office voice mail.

15. I have become completely paranoid,
trusting completely no one and absolutely
nothing.

16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But
since I possess no training in meterology,
I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

17. I procrastinate, especially when the task
is unpleasant.

18. As indicted, I have over five years of
analyzing investments.

19. Personal interests: donating blood.
Fourteen gallons so far.

20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation
for a Midwest chain store.

21. Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14
jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.

22. Marital status: often. Children: various.

23. Reason for leaving last job: They
insisted that all employees get to work by
8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work
under those conditions.

24. The company made me a scapegoat,
just like my three previous employers.

25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.

26. References: None. I've left a path of
destruction behind me.