GEORGE CARLINISMS

· How come wrong numbers are never busy?
· Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'? 
· Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?
· Can a stupid person be a smart-ass? 
· Does killing time damage eternity? 
· Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
· Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? 
· Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
· Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
· Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn 
  down the volume on the radio?
· Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made 
  with real lemons?
· Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
· Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?
· Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
· Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
· Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans? 
· Do pilots take crash-courses?
· Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
· Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
· Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just 
  whipped out a quarter?
· Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? 
· Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
· How can there be self-help "groups"? 
· How do you get off a non-stop flight?
· How do you write zero in Roman numerals? 
· How many weeks are there in a light year?
· If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing  
  "Happy Birthday?"
· If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his walkman?
· If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
· If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends? 
· If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
· If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
· If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl 
  Scout cookies made out of?
· If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
· If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way 
  they do?
· If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
· If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? 
· If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? 
· If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
· If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he 
  become disoriented?
· Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
· Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
· Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
· Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?