TOP TEN SLOGANS FOR JENNY CRAIG NOW THAT THEY'VE HIRED MONICA LEWINSKY

10. Overweight? Get up off your knees and come see us. 

9. Stop looking like fat white trash! Start looking like thin white trash!

8. Who cares about morality when you look good?

7. Our meals aren't hard to swallow.

6. Our choice of spokesperson is as tasteless as our food.

5. You'll look so good, all the married men you know will want to commit 
adultery.

4. We solemnly swear you'll lose weight...but it depends on your definition 
of "lose."

3. Monica says, "Mmm mmm," but that's usually all she can say.

2. Desiree Brown wanted too much money, so we had to hire Monica.

1. We got Monica to lose weight, and you all know that she'll eat anything.