The Top 16 Signs Your Kids Have Been Watching Too Much Jerry Springer

16 During Sunday sermon, they hold a palm up to the pastor and say,

Talk to the hand!

15 Every night at the dinner table, it’s the same routine: “Eat your

vegetables, and the chairs go flying.

14 You’ve had to replace the baby-sitter with three burly stagehands.

13 Dinner topic: Teenage boys who hide Playboys under their mattresses.

12 Junior’s new mastery of the headlock has made him the star of his high

school debate team.

11 Have evolved from playing Doctor to Plastic Surgeon specializing in

Male Enlargement.

10 They want to know why they only live in a house instead of a doublewide

trailer.

9 At the dinner table, little Billy announces a surprise guest: your

secretary/mistress.

8 Your Elvis shrine ain’t been Endusted in two weeks.

7 Her tendency to hop up on tables, tear her shirt open and dance suggestively has gotten you banned from more than one Chuck E. Cheese.

6 Your youngest has stopped calling you Mommy in favor of Crack-ho.

5 Math: C- History: D+ English: F Interviewing Transvestite Hookers: A+

4 Last year, when you told him to clean his room, you merely got a sullen look. This year you get a dining room chair over your head.

3 Your son asks if anyone makes a DNA paternity test kit for Cabbage Patch Kids.

2 During that little talk with Junior, you’re forced to admit that you don’t know if hermaphrodites are birds or bees.

and Top5’s Number 1 Sign Your Kids Have Been Watching Too Much Jerry Springer...

1 Poor Ken just found out he hasn’t been dating Barbie, but GI Joe in drag.