ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM LETTERS SENT TO LANDLORDS.

1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.
2. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my

   knob off.

3. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.
4. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from wall .
6. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
7. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
8. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
9. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday

   my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

10. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like

    a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

11. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color

    and not fit to drink.

12. Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old page

    pensioner and need it straight away.

13. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her

    toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.

14. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning

    at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.

15. When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new

    drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the

    job and keep my wife happy.