Subject: WARNING! DEADLY NEW VIRUS!
 
If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately.
 
Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase
everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks
within 20 feet of your computer. 
 
It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your
ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field
harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your
refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk
curdles. 
It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's
number.
 
This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your
beer.
 
(For Gods sake man are you listening?!?!) 
 
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting
company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine,
all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing
their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
 
It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is
only fun until someone loses an eye. 
 
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive
tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the
interpretations of key sentences.
 
If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95/98 environment, it will
leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously
close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from
your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole
milk.
 
WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.**
 
PS: In case you are blond, this is a joke.