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- IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
- IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs
- IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
- IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
- ON A CHURCH DOOR:: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)
- OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
- QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
- NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garmentshere for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
- IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.
- SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
- SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
- NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
- MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
- ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
- SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
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