A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.  He
mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome?  Why would
anyone want to go there?

 It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians.  You're crazy to go to Rome.

 So, how are you getting there?"

 "We're taking TWA," was the reply.  "We got a great rate!"

 "TWA?" exclaimed the barber.  "That's a terrible airline. Their
planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're
always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome?"

 "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."

"That dump!  That's the worst hotel in the city. The
rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So,
whatcha
doing when you get there?"

 "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

 "That's rich," laughed the barber.  "You and a million other people
 trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.  Boy, good luck on
this
 lousy trip of yours.  You're going to need it."

 A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The
barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful,"  explained the man, "not only were we on time
in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and
they bumped us up to first class.  The food and wine were wonderful, and

I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel-it was great!  They'd just finished a $25 million
 remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the
presidential suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the
 pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a
Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that
the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be
so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would
personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through
the door and shook my hand!

 I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."
 "Really?" asked the Barber.  "What'd he say?"

 He said, "Where'd you get the shitty haircut?