REASONS TO BUY A NEW CAR:
=========================
 
15. Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places.
14. Instead of an airbag, there's a whoopie cushion taped to your steering
    wheel.
13. Stench from bodies in trunk becoming unbearable.
12. You lose the stop-light challenge to a 14-year old on a moped.
11. 15-Minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep your car 3 days.
10. Thieves repeatedly break into your car just to take "The Club."
 9.  When you gas up, the attendant asks "Can I re-duct-tape that windshield for 
    you?"
 8. While waiting at a stop light, people run up asking if anyone was hurt.
 7. You never seem to get an answer at the AMC Gremlin help desk.
 6. For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom vroom"
    noises while    sitting in the driveway.
 5. Keep losing dates on left turns.
 4. Your gas gauge measures in cubits.
 3. Traffic reporters starting to refer to you by name when discussing morning 
    tie-ups.
 2. Hasn't been the same since Hugh Grant borrowed it.
 1. Your tires are balding faster than Michael Bolton.