COMPUTER TERMS
                        AS DEFINED BY REDNECKS



   32 BIT RESOLUTION - motion to spend four dollars (2 bits is still
     25 cents)
   ADOBE PHOTOSHOP - red bilding ware you git yur pictur took
   ALIAS - name ya use at a motel
   APPLE - needed for pan dowdy and fritters
   APPLICATION - put salve on yur skin
   BACKUP DISC - spare frisbie
   BACKUP - takin the truk outa the driveway
   BANDWIDTH - mens are larger on a watch
   BINARY - having friends of both sexes
   BIT - a wager as in "I bit ya can't spit that chawin tibacco across
     the road"
   BROWSER - fella reedin PLAYBOY in the drug store
   BUG - thing on phone to check yur wife's calls
   BYTE - wut them dang flys and muskitos do
     (2) First word in a kiss-off phrase
   CACHE - needed when yur credit csards max out and ya hav no food
     stamps can stuff in your beer bottle to get a free case
   CD ROM - place in the bank ware they sell thos big notes
   CHIP - munchies fer the TV
   CLIPBOARD - place you keep yur ammo
   CLONES - fans of the jungle
     (2) guys in circus in funny suits
   COBAL - guys and gals playing softtball together at cunpany picnics
   CODE - wen yu gotta snooty nose and coff
   CODING - illegal drug that makes you high
   CRASH - wen yur truk hits a tree
     (2) wen you go to Junior's party uninvited
   CURSOR - wucha do wen yur mad at yur wife
   C++ - superior grade in skool
   DEBUGGER -  a roach motel
   DIGITAL CONTROL - wut yur fingers do on the TV remote
   DIGITAL - a questshun as "digital hur ta bring the beer"
     (2) numbers on a watch
   DISC OPERATING SYSTEM - wut the doc uses to fix your floppy disc
   DISKETTE - female disco dancer
   DOMAIN - most importint as "he's domain boss"
   DOS - opposite of don'ts
   DOT MATRIX - Tom Matrix's wife
   DOWNLOAD - gettin the farwood off the truk
   DOWNTIME - period of depression
   DRIVE COMPATABILITY - a long car ride with your wife without fightin
   EDIT - wucha do with food
   ENCRYPTION - what the undertaker duz to ya
   ENTER - notherner talk fer "cumin, y'all"
   ETHERNET - wut the doc puts on your face in surgery to make ya sleep
   EXPANSION SLOT - extra hole in yur belt ya use wen ya overeat
   E-MAIL - not a sissy or weeklin
   FAQ - used with "U", wut you yell when someone cuts ya off
   FAX - wucha lie about to the IRS
   FILE - wut yur wile uses on her nails
   FIREWALL - ware ya practises yur target shutin
   FLOPPY DISK - soggy pizza  (2) wucha git from liftin too much farwood
   FLOPPY - after sex  (2) when you run out of Polygrip
   FONT - discover as in "I font it at a garage sale"
   FORMAT - small rug to wipe your feet on wen ya go inta the house on
     a muddy day
   FORTAN - wats inside cookies at Chinese restrants
     (2) lots of money
   FRAME - wen the cops bring ther own pot to the party
   FREEZE - releases from captivity as Bruce Willis freeze the hostiges
     in Die Hard
   HACKER - granpa after 62 years of smokin
   HARD DRIVE - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires
     and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
   HARDCODE - wen the snoot in yer nose gets real dry
   HARDWARE - leather and spats
   HOMEPAGE - place in the newspaper with houses for sale
   IBM - anser wen teechur calls yur name
   ICON - braggin as in "icon lift yur truk with one arm"
   INDEX - what poker cards cum in
   INFRARED - ware the leftovers go when Fred's here
   INSTALL - ware ya keep your horse
   INTERACTIVE - run into the house
   INTERFACE - wat happens when two teens with braces kiss
   INTERNET EXPLORER - a currous fish
   INTERNET - wut the bait duz wen ya catch it
   ITALIC - furriner from Roam
   JAVA APPLETS - fritters for dunkin
   JAZZ DRIVE - fancy new sports car
   JOYSTICK - wat you open yur pants fur
   KEYBOARD - ware ya hang yur truk keys
   LAN - to borrow as, "Delbert, lan me yur truk"
     (2) the grass in fronta yur house
   LAPTOP - ware the little kids jump on to sit
   LASER PRINTER - fella too tired ta rite his ma
   LOG OFF - takin the wood off the pile fur usin
   LOG ON - making a wood stove hotter
   MAC - yur kids favorite food
   MAIN FRAME - wut holds up the barn roof
   MANUAL - truk without automatic geers
   MEGABYTE - wucha git from Meg durin luvmakin
   MEGAHERTZ - watcha git when yer not keerful gettin the farwood
   MEMORY CARD - used to cheat on tests
   MENU - restarent list
   MICROCHIP - wuts left in the munchie bag when the chips are gone
   MICROFICHE - tiny fish used fur bait
   MICROPROCESSOR - fine meat chopper fur making sausagee
   MICROSOFT WINDOWS - small plastic thing on return envelopes
   MICROSOFT WORD - whisper
   MICROSOFT - defrostin a TV dinner in the microwave
   MODEM - whacha do to the grass twisa yeer
     (2) How you got rid of your dandelions
   MONITOR - teachur's helper at lunch
   MOTHERBOARD - source of toothpicks
   MOTOR HOUSING - a winnebago
   MOUSE - fuzzy white thing wut eats the horses grain in the barn
     (2) Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to
     get a free case.
   MULTICASTING - two actors taking turns playing a part in a play
   MULTISYNC - two washing areas in the same bathroom
   NETSCAPE NAVIGATOR - leeder of fish eludin comershal fishermen
   NETWORK - ESPN, FOX, NBC  (2) way to get bait
   NEWSGROUP - wives gossippin
   NOVELL - a frictional book  (2) a new way of doin sumthing
   ORICLE - earlobe
   OVERWRITE - what makes yur checks bounce
   PACKET - wucha do to a suitcase before a trip
   PASSWORD - "fore", used wen playin golf
   PLOTTER PEN - jail for conspirators and terrorists
   PLUG-IN - push the end ot the TV cord into the wall
   PORT - fancy wine
   PRINTER -  fella who can't rite in handritin
   PRINTOUT - wen ya uz a eracer or whiteout to curect a mistake
   PROGRAM - wuts on the TV when there's receptshun
   PROGRAMMER - fella with the TV remote
   PROMPT - wucha wish the mail was in mud season
   PROXY SERVER - souppini deliverer wen ya cant do it yurself
   RAID - used to kill bugs  (2) wen the cops crash yur pot party
   RAM CHIP - male sheep droppins
   RAM - lambs daddy  (2) whacha do to a car goin too slow on the hiway
   RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY - wen ya cant member wen yer wife asks ware
     ya were
   REAL TIME - awake and not dreaming
   REBOOT - wucha do wen ya step in horse manuer
   RELOAD - fill the frig with 6-pacs and chips
   ROM - host of the jungle's name  (2) the Popes home
     (3) good to mix with Coca Cola.
   SCANNER - watchin a female disco dancer
   SCREEN - thing to keep the flies out
   SECURITY - bank guard
   SERVER - gal in resterant that brings yur food
   SOFTWARE - them plastic eatin utensils ya git at MacDonalds
   SPAM - meat for special occashuns
   STATIONARY - not movin as most wives in bed
   SUPERCONDUCTORS - Glenn Miller, Doc Severnsen, Lawrence Welk
   SUPPORT - drink fancy wine slowly  (2) whut ya use suspenders fur
   TERMINAL - time to call the undertaker
   TEXT - dude from Dallas
   TOKEN RING - wat ya usta git on the merry-go-round to gitttt a
     free ride
   UNZIP - open yur pants
   UPDATE - wen ya rite a check so it cant be used until next month
   UPGRADE - skule term fur permoshun as upgrade to secund after jus
     two yeers in furst  (2) when teechur changes an "F" to a "D"
   VECTOR - winner of the fite or race
   VERSION - wucha dislike as in "he has a version to broccoli"
   VIRUS - same as a code but wurse
   WEBSITE - ware spiders catch flies
   WINDOW - place in a truk to hang your guns
   WINDOWS - wucha shut when its 30 below
   WORM - wacha put on a fish hook
   ZIP DRIVE - goin fast at NASCAR