Dear Santa, 
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer. 
YeR FReND,
BiLLy 
Dear Billy, 
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. 
How 'bout I send you a f--king book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell! 
Santa 
******************** 
Dear Santa, 
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody! Love, 
Sarah 
Dear Sarah, 
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? 
Santa 
******************** 
Dear Santa, 
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I
really really want a fire truck this year! 
Love,
Joey 
Dear Joey, 
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with. 
Santa 
********************Dear 
Santa, 
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. 
Love,
Teddy 
Dear Teddy, 
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let
me get you some nice Legos instead. 
Santa 
******************** 
Dear Santa, 
I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards
than me. Please see what you can do. 
Love,
Michelle 
Dear Michelle, 
It blows my damn mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of
dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats
are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your
speed, like "Chutes and Ladders." Santa 
******************** 
Dear Santa, 
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, 
Francis 
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
Santa 
******************** 
Dear Santa, 
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the backdoor. Love, 
Susan 
Dear Susan, 
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You
want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some
Toblerone. Santa 
******************** 
Dear Santa, 
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys? 
Your friend,
Thomas 
Dear Thomas, 
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at
the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know! 
Santa 
******************** 
Dear Santa, 
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song? 
Love,
Jessica 
Dear Jessica, 
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your
house... 
Santa 
******************** 
Dear Santa, 
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please PLEASE, Timmy 
Timmy, 
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks,but that crap don't
work up here. You're getting a sweater again. 
Santa 
******************** 
Dearest Santa, 
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? 
Love,
Marky 
Mark, 
First, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass
whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent
apartment complex you're living in. Third, I get inside your pad just
like the boogeymen do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams! 
Santa