A little kid sits on Santa's lap, and Santa says, "What would you like for Christmas?"

The kid says, "A fucking swingset."

Santa says, "You'll have to ask nicer than that if you want Santa to bring you presents. Let's try again. What else would you like?"

The kid says, "A fucking sandbox for the side yard."

Santa says, "That's no way to talk to Santa. One more time. What else would you like for Christmas?"

The boy thinks for a minute, and then he says, "I want a fucking trampoline in the front yard."

Santa lifts the boy off his lap and goes to talk to the kid's parents. He tells them what the kid said, and then says, "I know how to stop it. Don't get him anything for Christmas except dog doo. Put a pile of dog doo in the backyard where he wants the swingset, put another pile in the side yard where he wants the sandbox, and another pile in the front yard where he wants the trampoline. That should make him change his tune."

Christmas morning the kid goes downstairs to open his presents, and there aren't any. He runs out the back door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the side door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the front door, looks around, and comes back in, shaking his head.

His father says, "What's wrong, son?"

The kid says, "Santa brought me a fucking dog, but I can't find him."