Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate
my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I
had a valid reason, but lied anyway because t he truth was too
humiliating.  I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and
I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could
think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.

The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to
adopt a cute little kitty.   Initially the new acquisition was no
problem, but one morning  I  was taking my shower after breakfast when I
heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from   the  kitchen.  Tom! the
garbage disposal is dead.  Come
reset it."

You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-
patter). "Reset it yourself!"

"I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" 
(Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement
about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence.

I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button.  It
is the last action I remember performing. It struck without  warning,
without respect to my circumstances.    Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal
drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing
playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She  had
been poised around the corner
and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. 

At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their
masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly
bodily movements.  Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to
contort inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed.  
Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin
supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a
step-by-step manner.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. 
Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option.

Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is
alarmed. It was a dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek great heights to
escape, I never made it that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded
my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been
fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to
conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter.

At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept
silent, claiming it was too painful to talk.  "What's the matter, cat
got your tongue?"

If they had only known.