Charmin: "Butt... Wipe... Err."

Microsoft: "How much are you going to pay today?"

Eggs: "The Incredible Edible Ovum."

MTV: "Loud and easy to spell."

Saks 5th Avenue: "You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But That Would be Stupid!"

Iguana: "The other green meat."

Penis Enlargement Specialists: "It Don't Mean a Thing If It Ain't Got That
Swing!"

Nike: "Just buy the damn shoes, you flabby spineless lump!"

Daisy Air Rifles: "Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years."

Canon Photocopiers: "Quit calling them Xeroxes, dammit!"

Pepto Bismol: "Squash the Squirts!"

Trojans: "Just add meat."

Apple MacIntosh: "Hey, we thought of it first!"

Radio Shack: "You've got questions, we've got geek losers!"

Professional Bowling on NBC: "Oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?"