YO MAMMA SO FAT

    Yo mama so fat all the restaurants in town have signs that say:
      "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"

    Yo mama so fat and stupid her waist size is larger than her IQ!!

    Yo mama so fat Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a
      pair of shoes.

    Yo mama so fat during summertime she sells shade.

    Yo mama so fat her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk
      dud.

    Yo mama so fat her car is made of spandex.

    Yo mama so fat her clothes have stretch marks.

    Yo mama so fat her driver's license says "Picture continued on
      other side."

    Yo mama so fat her high school year book picture was an aerial
      picture.

    Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Damn!"

    Yo mama so fat I took her out to eat and the waiter asked me if I
      wanted an estimate.

    Yo mama so fat it took five UFOs to abduct her.

    Yo mama so fat NASA is going to use her to fill the hole in the
      ozone layer.

    Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.

    Yo mama so fat Richard Simmons won't deal her a meal.

    Yo mama so fat she broke the family tree.

    Yo mama so fat she buys her clothes in only three sizes: Large,
      Extra-large, and Yo Mama Size.

    Yo mama so fat she doesn't sit in the house, she sits AROUND the
      house.

    Yo mama so fat she don't know whether she's walking or rolling.

    Yo mama so fat she fell over and rocked herself asleep trying to
      get up.

    Yo mama so fat she gets stuck in her dreams! 

    Yo mama so fat she goes to a restaurant looks at the menu and said,
      "OK!"

    Yo mama so fat she has a greater gravitational attraction than a
      black hole.

    Yo mama so fat she has her own area code.

    Yo mama so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phone book.

    Yo mama so fat she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.

    Yo mama so fat she has two stomachs..one for meats and one for
      vegetables.

    Yo mama so fat she influences the tides.

    Yo mama so fat she looks like the Stay-Puff marshmallow man on
      steroids.

    Yo mama so fat she makes sumo wrestlers look anerexic.

    Yo mama so fat she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as
      big.

    Yo mama so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

    Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and made change.

    Yo mama so fat she shows up on radar.

    Yo mama so fat she stands in two time zones.

    Yo mama so fat she stepped on a talking scale and it said "Please
      step out of the car."

    Yo mama so fat she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just
      said H d.

    Yo mama so fat she tried to get an allover tan, and the sun burned
      out.

    Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections.

    Yo mama so fat she was baptized in Sea World.

    Yo mama so fat she was out walking and the cops made her put on a
      "Caution Wide Turn" sign.

    Yo mama so fat she was zoned for commercial development.

    Yo mama so fat she went on a seafood diet... Whenever she saw food
      she ate it.

    Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of
      gas.

    Yo mama so fat the horse on her Polo shirt is real.

    Yo mama so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale

    Yo mama so fat the police dog's stopped her at the airport for
      having 10 lbs of crack.

    Yo mama so fat when she backs up she beeps.


                          YO MAMMA SO UGLY

    Yo mama so ugly even the elephant man paid to see her.

    Yo mama so ugly her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel.

    Yo mama so ugly it makes me wish birth control is retroactive.

    Yo mama so ugly Medusa is jealous.

    Yo mama so ugly she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares.

    Yo mama so ugly she had to get you drunk to breast feed you.

    Yo mama so ugly she makes blind children cry.

    Yo mama so ugly she uses her face for birth control.

    Yo mama so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.

    Yo mama so ugly when she was born, the doctor slapped her mama!


                         YO MAMMA SO STUPID

    Yo mama so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

    Yo mama so stupid she asked the operator to look up the number for
      911.

    Yo mama so stupid she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

    Yo mama so stupid she brought toilet paper to a crap game!

    Yo mama so stupid she can't make ice without the recipe.

    Yo mama so stupid she couldn't read an audio book.

    Yo mama so stupid she failed a survey.

    Yo mama so stupid she fell off the family tree.

    Yo mama so stupid she go stuck on a broken escalator for three
      hours.

    Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot-out.

    Yo mama so stupid she invented screen doors for submarines.

    Yo mama so stupid she ordered her sushi well done.

    Yo mama so stupid she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung
      sailor.