Tips For Proper Behavior When Visiting The South:
 
 
1. Don't order steak in a waffle house. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day,
so let them cook something they know.
 
2. Don't laugh at people's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann,
Beth & Inez have all been known to whoop a man's ass for less than that.
 
3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda, this can lead to a
merciless  beating. Down South it's called a "Coke", even if you want a
"Pepsi"
 
4. Don't show allegiance to any college football team that isn't a member of
the SEC. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who get to play Utah
every week.
 
5. Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. Most of us are more
literate than you, better educated, and generally much nicer to boot. We've
got plenty of business sense. (Dell, Compaq, MCI
Worldcom, Netscape)
 
6. We are fully aware that the humidity is high. Get over it, spend your
money, and leave.
 
7. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. If you do this, everyone will
know you're from Ohio. Eat the biscuits like God intended, and for God's
sake,  don't put sugar on your grits.
 
8. Don't attempt to fake a Southern accent. Nothing will incite a riot
faster.
 
9. Don't go around talking about how much better it is back home. If you
don't like it here, take your Yankee ass back home.
 
10. We don't play Lacrosse, or any of those sissy ass Northern games, so
don't ask about the scores.  We don't know and we don't care.
 
11. We know how to speak proper English; we talk this way because we want to
and we can. It's like playing jazz; you have to know how to do it right
first.
 
12. DO NOT try to tell us how to Bar-B-Q. This could lead to permanent
expulsion and revocation of your work visa.
 
13. If you don't know how to us "ya'll" correctly, don't say it at all.  We
already know you're a Yankee candy ass.  You don't have to prove it.