WOMAN'S RANDOM THOUGHTS
 
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
 
Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in Aerobics class
pulls a hamstring.
 
Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget
where they left them.
 
One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain
5 lbs.
 
My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
 
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
 
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what
you're doing, someone else does.
 
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then,  your
body and your fat are really good friends.
 
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today. 
 
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness. 
 
Amazing - You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks  two
sizes.
 
Skinny people irritate me. Especially when they say things like, "You  know
sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address,  my mother's
maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat.  You  have to be
a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
 
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had
14 kids, but she doesn't really care. 
 
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that
communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said,"How'd you like
to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a
bell my body said, "Listen, bitch, do it and die."
 
I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30
can fit into their stuff.
 
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How
intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?