Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

What do you call a bunch chess grandmasters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?

You do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad.

What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?

Pour Santa flush on him.

Why did Santa spell Christmas... N-O-E?

Because the angel said "NO L".

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can ho, ho, ho.

What are the three stages of man?

1. He believes in Santa Claus.
2. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
3. He IS Santa Claus.